Join us in a reflective exploration of the essence of leadership. Whether viewed through the prism of governance or parenting, true leadership gracefully remains in the shadows. A remarkable leader, or more fittingly, a guide, offers wisdom and encouragement, gently steering the way to empower individuals to seek, experience, and learn on their own.
In contrast, a lesser leader craves loyalty and adoration, yet if the student, subject, or child fails to embrace their own autonomy, it may foster fear and resentment.
Therefore, the wise master understands this delicate balance, guiding with pure intention and abundant love, allowing the people to witness the bounty of their own efforts, instilling a profound sense of value and self-respect.
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EPISODE TRANSCRIPT
“When the Master governs, the people are hardly aware that he exists.
Next best is a leader who is loved.
Next, one who is feared.
The worst is one who is despised.
If you don’t trust the people, you make them untrustworthy.
The Master doesn’t talk, he acts.
When his work is done, the people say:
‘Amazing. We did it all by ourselves.’”
Welcome back to the channel, where we read and interpret the Tao Te Ching. Today we’re exploring Chapter 17, a powerful teaching on leadership, trust, and influence.
Subtle Leadership vs. Control
This passage invites us to reflect on what real leadership looks like. The highest form, according to the Tao, is so subtle, so in harmony with nature, that people hardly notice it. The next best is being loved. Then feared. The worst is to be despised.
This gradation challenges conventional ideas of leadership as loud, directive, or forceful. True mastery operates in quiet influence, so subtle that people believe they accomplished everything themselves. It’s less about leading and more about guiding.
This mirrors our own inner work. When we’re working to improve our health, emotional balance, or mindset, it often feels like we’re doing it alone. But many of us sense a larger force at play—some kind of divine or cosmic guidance that nudges us toward growth. It’s not forceful, but always present.
You might call it God, the Dao, or the universe. It’s not obvious or dramatic. It works quietly in the background, letting us do the heavy lifting—but never abandoning us. That’s the kind of leadership the Tao is pointing to: subtle, supportive, and trusting.
Trust Begets Trust
“If you don’t trust the people, you make them untrustworthy.
This line is striking. It suggests that trust isn’t earned—it’s given. And when it’s given, people rise to meet it.
We see this in parenting, coaching, teaching, or leadership of any kind. When you assume others are capable and worthy of trust, you create space for them to live up to that expectation. But if you micromanage, control, or doubt, you diminish their ability to act freely and grow.
The Cosmic and the Practical
We each interpreted this verse in our own way. One of us saw the Master as the Dao itself—an omnipresent but invisible force always gently guiding us, never forcing, never controlling. It’s the mystery behind synchronicities, growth, and healing. It doesn't ask for recognition. When the work is done, we often look back and say, “Wow, I did that,” not realizing the subtle guidance that helped us along the way.
The other saw the Master as a wise leader or sage—someone human, yet deeply attuned to the Dao. Like the coach Ted Lasso (from the Apple TV show), whose leadership style is so understated that it empowers the team to find its own rhythm and potential. He trusts them, nudges gently, and builds unity—not by command, but by presence.
This passage is a reminder: whether you're leading a team, a classroom, a family, or just your own life, subtlety and trust often accomplish far more than force ever could.
Leadership in Parenting
This Taoist wisdom deeply applies to parenting. Good parenting isn’t about controlling every outcome or protecting children from every mistake. It’s about guidance, trust, and support—being there when needed, but allowing space for independence.
Like a mother bird, you can’t teach your chicks to fly by doing it for them. You give them the tools, the encouragement, and the safety net—but eventually, they have to leap. And you trust that they can.
The best parents, teachers, coaches, and leaders act more like facilitators. They offer wisdom, structure, and loving boundaries, but ultimately help others discover their own power.
Unlocking Potential
True mastery is not about controlling others—it’s about unlocking the potential within them. It’s about helping others find their own rhythm, their own wisdom, their own voice.
This isn’t about passive leadership. It’s deeply intentional. It takes emotional intelligence, restraint, humility, and a deep attunement to the natural rhythms of people and life itself. But when practiced, it creates empowered individuals, not dependent followers.
Are you a parent, a coach, a teacher, or someone in a leadership role? How do you approach guidance? Where do you see this style of subtle leadership showing up—or where would you like to see it more?
Drop a comment below. We’d love to hear your stories and reflections.